Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors
by NaruHinaLuvr
Summary: What if the Naruto characters read our fanfiction and wanted to respond? Here's what they might say! In letter form! Ideas welcome!
1. Chapter 1:Naruto

**A/N: So I was reading bleach fanfiction when I came across this idea of the characters reacting to fanfiction, writing very strongly worded and...strange letters. So I thought, why not try Naruto? I'll be doing most of the characters, I'll try to do them all. Any Ideas, thoughts, comments are appreciated ^^ Anyway, this chapter is more of a test and feel first. Later chapters and parts will...PROPERLY address things. BTW pairing fans, please no hate, this is just for fun on what I think the characters would say. I personally am a NaruHina ShikaIno fan but I respect NaruSaku NaruSasu and SaiIno ShikaTema fans. WARNING may contain spoilers ^^ ENJOY!**

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_Ch 1: Naruto pt 1_

Dear Naruto fanfiction authors,

HI! DATTEBAYO! =^-^=

Although I'm glad you guys are enjoying my show and taking it upon yourselves to be creative...there are a few things I'd like to address...

Although I am glad you guys pair me with Sakura and Hinata...yeah thats it. Keep it with Sakura and Hinata please. I mean its pretty obvious Sakura likes Sasuke, and I'm okay with that I mean Sasuke's strong and smart and-

OK back to the point! Those are the only two I will EVER choose from and it's obvious I will choose Hinata I mean, she's liked me for a while and I like girls like her so yeah! Dattebayo!

I just need to make sure Neji doesn't kill me for going out with his cousin...

ANYWAY!

I mean seriously, me and Ino? Since WHEN have we ever had an ACTUAL convo? I mean we only talk whenever Shikamaru is around and that's because we are comrades and work well together! NO OTHER REASON!

ALSO! I AM NOT GAY! I DO NOT SWING THAT WAY GUYS! SERIOUSLY!? NARUSASU!?

The only reason I was so determined to get Sasuke was because he was my friend and i didn't want Orochimaru to use him. Just because we make a killer team DOESN'T mean we have feelings for each other!

But you have to admit we do make a killer team-

GAH! ITS NOT LIKE I LIKE HIM OR ANYTHING! BAKAYERO!

Like I said, I don't swing that way. Not for him, not for Gaara, not Shikamaru, not Neji, not for that perv KAKASHI. NO ONE! DATTEBAYO!

I mean sure I respected Neji, he was cool, he was strong and everything but I DO NOT have feelings for him! I mean, one; I'm not GAY!

Two; I'M NOT GAY!

AND three...just imagine me having to deal with an angry Neji because I broke his heart since I chose HIM and not his cousin?! *Shudders*

Also, Gaara? REALLY? I mean, sure I understand Gaara more than anyone in the world. We both have suffered for being Jinchurikis. BUT! THAT DOESNT MEAN IM IN LOVE WITH HIM!

Like I said...I AM NOT GAY!

AND SAI? DID YOU NOT SEE ME PUSH HIM AWAY WHEN HE WAS BEING A WEIRDO! AND NO I DIDNT SECRETLY ENJOY IT!

Honestly, his shirts are alittle TOO short but since hes a member of Team Kakashi, I overlook it.

AND AS FOR KAKASHI!

NO! Just...just NO! I'm pretty sure its illegal!

But, since I'm the main character I guess I get paired with everyone. WHAT. THE HELL MAN? DATTEBAYO!

In conclusion, I'm not gay, Sakura likes Sasuke and I like Hinata. DEAL WITH IT!

Yours truly,

NARUTO UZUMAKI! BELIEVE IT! DATTEBAYO! =^-^=

P.S. As for the rumors about the Ramen Guy...I'd only ever be with him for the ramen! NOTHING ELSE! I'm in love with the Ramen!

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**Hope you enjoyed! the little faces =^-^= are emotes for naruto. the = are his whiskers! **


	2. Chapter 2:Sasuke

**A/N: THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED! I'll be sure to get to those requests ;) Anyway heres chapter 2, Sasuke the Emo Uchiha! Remember, pairing fans, please no hate! This is just for fun on what I think the characters would say to some pairings and other things in fanfiction!. I personally am a NaruHina ShikaIno fan but I respect NaruSaku NaruSasu NejiHina and SaiIno ShikaTema fans. WARNING some chapters may contain spoilers if you are not caught up! (Im still on the 5 kage vs madara (god of all ninjas *.*) fight but im almost there!) ^^ ENJOY! **

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_Ch 2: Sasuke_

Dear Naruto fanfiction authors,

First things first.

MY HAIR IS NOT A BIRD! WHO WAS THE IDIOT WHO CAME UP WITH THAT ANYWAY? I will destroy you!

Next...

I. AM. NOT. EMO.

I do NOT cut myself and cry in a corner and complain about my life! I am an avenger! And NO! NOT the type of avenger where I have a cheesey costume and fight sexy- er...psycho villains with daddy issues!

Although, I do have a supercool hero name...that may or may not be Uchiha Man, defender of the emos.

You didn't read anything.

I will simply avenge my clan by killing my brother and only living relative and destroying the village he was so desperate to save...

Leave my logic alone. It made sense at the time. Next...

I. AM. NOT. GAY!

Just because that orange wearing IDIOT and I just so happened to accidentally KISS DOESN'T MEAN SQUAT! And JUST because I continue to ignore female advances doesn't mean I'm gay. I'm just not into relationships...especially with women...

Wait..forget I said that. I don't want relationships period.

I just dont find anything attractive about Sakura Ino and Karin. They're all annoying.

And for you SasuHina fans, who was the baka who came up with that anyway? We've never spoken!

She better stay away from Naruto though...

I mean...NEXT!

As for the fact Naruto was chasing me for so long, thats his problem. Though I do appreciate the romantic gesture...

You didn't read that. I will deny everything.

ANYWAY!

SasuNeji, No. I am an Uchiha. He is a Hyuuga. Even if I found his attractive it wouldn't work.

Dont read into it too much I just used it as an example.

NO! I did not have sex with Orochimaru in order to gain his power. He did not rape me, him and kabuto did not have a 3 sum with me. They would be lucky if I even gave them a second glance. NO I ABSOLUTELY refuse to grow up to the second Michael Jackson of the Naruto world. Just...I dealt with his queer advances because I wanted his cock- er his power. Nothing more.

NO I did not have any feelings for Karin. I tried to kill the annoying turd, does that mean anything to you?! The only Uzumaki I have feelings for is Naruto-

No one. I have feelings for no one.

And for all those who STILL pair me with Sakura...when she proves herself useful (which will be never *insane laugh*).

As for all those ItaSasu fans. Does INCEST mean NOTHING TO YOU!? HE IS MY BROTHER! Yes he loves me but NOT in THAT way! UGH!

I swear you fans have some sick twisted minds. Worse than what Orochimaru would try and make me do...*shivers.* Now if you don't mind, I'm going to my emo-

HAPPY corner, listening to some Simple Plan, and hate my life. Stupid Uchiha Curse of Hatred... /-_-\\

Anyway. I'm not gay.

Your favorite Avenger,

Uchiha Man.

I MEAN SASUKE! .


	3. Chapter 3: Sakura

**A/N: Hello! Thanks to all those who have read and/or reviewed! Heres another chapter! Now, I'm not a Sakura fan at all but I didn't let that affect my writing. Once again, I mean no disrespect to those who like their respective couples and I will not let my preferences interfere with my writing. I am open to all characters/couples and this is just for fun. Anyway, enjoy Sakura's rant, I mean, letter! **

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_Ch 3: Sakura_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

Most of you seem to like to pair me up with EVERYONE since I am the lead female, and although I thank you for being my fans, there are some things I need to address...

I. DO. NOT. LIKE. ITACHI!

JUST because he looks like Sasuke DOESNT mean I'm going to go gaga all over him! Sasuke is the only one for me! Ive seen so many ItaSaku stuff that I'd barf the next time I see one!

He isn't nearly as cool as Sasuke is! Sasukes gotten so strong hes even beaten him! What do you have to say to that?

_Sasuke: Leave my brother alone, Sakura_

_Itachi: Besides I let him win. Although I do agree with you, but thats for another time._

_Ino: OH PLEASE! Im pretty sure you'd drool all over him too if he hasnt tried to kill us all those times!_

WILL YOU GUYS GET OUT! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HERE?

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah...I dont like Itachi, Sasuke is the only Uchiha for me.

And for another thing, I dont like Sai either! I dont even think he looks like Sasuke! Plus he's a weirdo! I'll let Naruto deal with that...

_Naruto: What? WAIT SAKURA NO!_

*Punches*

WILL YOU GET OUT!

Geez...

Now, for all you SaiIno fans out there SHE CAN HAVE HIM!

I don't need to compete with her over a guy ever again. Besides, we all know who would win...me. :)

Besides, why is it that in your Ino centered fanfics I'M THE BAD GUY!?

I mean, it was me who ended our friendship but...DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE FRIENDS WHEN YOU LIKE THE SAME GUY?

AND DO NOT CALL ME UNGRATEFUL! She is and always will be my friend and my rival, kinda like Naruto and Sasuke.

As for the rest, let me just list them. I do NOT nor will I EVER like:

Itachi, Sai, Neji, Sasori, Gaara, Madara, KAKASHI! (IS THAT EVEN LEGAL!?), Naruto's dad, Ino, Hinata, anyone from the Akatsuki or ANYONE!

Why do you pair me with Ino and Hinata? I don't swing that way...

Besides, Hinata is too timid and Ino and I would argue all the time over who's better.

And never in my right mind would i go out with Kakashi or the 4th Hokage, or Gaara either! I don't want to have to beat up Temari...

Does Gaara even know what love is...?

And his fangirls, they can be scary... *shivers*

As for Sasori, just because we FOUGHT and looks KINDA like Gaara doesn't mean squat! He's dead, Elder Chiyo and I killed him, whats done is done. He was a psycho killer who wanted to turn us into puppets anyway!

And whats with pairing me with all of the Akatsuki? I haven't even MET half of them! Why would I be in love with them!? Besides, they're the bad guys!

And as I said Sasuke is the only Uchiha for me!

And that little episode with Naruto, I have to admit I have grown rather fond of him...

BUT SASUKES BACK SO WHO CARES!?

Anyway. For all those who think I'm useless, I'M NOT!

I've learned Medical Ninjutsu and how to fight from Tsunade! Saying I suck is like saying she sucks! I healed Kankuro and manage to kill a Zetsu!

_Neji: Yea...one..._

NOT YOU TOO! GET OUT!

Anyway...

STOP MAKING FUN OF ME FOR HAVING SMALL BOOBS! Saying "the small breasted whore" and things like that really hurts my feelings! Just because I don't have GIANT MELONS like Hinata and Tsunade do DOESN'T mean they aren't there!

Geez, this turned into a rant...

BUT ANYWAY! Keep the SasuSaku fanfics coming! I like reading them before I go to bed.

AND DONT YOU DARE MENTION MY BREAST SIZE! *cracks knuckles.*

CHA!

With Love,

Sakura Haruno


	4. Chapter 4: Kakashi

**A/N: HAPPY NEW YEARS! I'm not sure I did him right but I tried. U.U ANYWAY! As Stated before, this isn't to offend, only for fun! I RESPECT ALL PAIRINGS AND I DONT OWN NARUTO D: **

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_Chapter 4: Kakashi_

Dear Naruto fanfiction authors,

Sorry sorry, I meant to write this earlier but I got lost on the path that's called life.

Uh...where do I even begin?

Well, guess I should start with the fact you guys call me a perv.

I wouldn't exactly say I was a perv but...*eye sparkle*

THE MAKE OUT PARADISE SERIES IS GENIUS! JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE ERRATIC NOVELS DOESN'T MEAN THEY AREN'T FILLED WITH SUSPENSE, DRAMA, ACTION! YOU NAME IT! IT IS THE WORK OF A TRUE GENIUS! THE DETAIL! THE DIALOG! THE PLOT! JUST GENIUS!

Uh anyway, where was I? Oh yea. I'm not a perv. When I told Naruto I'm really starting to like him, I meant I didn't find him as annoying as before and that he has improved greatly. Why did you guys have to over think it? Do I seem like the gay type to you? I have a mask and I'm sure I get more ladies than Sasuke, who is undoubtedly queer. I've seen the way he looks at Naruto...

Also. This brings us to our new topic...yaoi.

Look, just because I am a perv-

Er...like exotic novels, doesn't mean I like yaoi and am an expert at sex positions. And I'm not gay.

So, no, I do not nor will I ever love Yamato, Itachi, Zabuza, Obito, Naruto's dad, or any of my students.

I'm pretty sure me being in any sort of intimate relationship with my students, no matter the rank, is illegal. Same goes for me and my sensei.

And Obito is my best friend. No I was not in love with him. I regret treating him like worthless scum yea but I was a jerk back then. Other than that the only thing that connects us is his sharingan.

And I'm only a jerk to Yamato because, well...I just am. Yamato and I have a...special relationship. And no, it's not like that...

Although, I'm pretty sure he's one of my fanboys...

Also, I don't know how Itachi and I would ever have a relationship. Yes we have fought a few times (and I have gotten owned...) but thats about as far as we go. Nothing else. Got that?

As for Zabuza, why? Just...why? I have no words for you. I'm pretty sure he had a thing for haku, who is a girl. I'm sure of it. My sharingan can see it.

And Rin, sweet sweet Rin...I'm not sure where we stand. Who knows, maybe if I hadn't accidentally killed her there could have been something...but Obito loved her and I respected him enough not to do anything. It was a one way love for the most part.

And for you fans out there who make fun of me for being forever alone, I'm happy for Asuma and Kurenai and I don't mind being alone. I've made so many mistakes in my life I'm sure the right time will come.

Besides...I get ladies. All I have to do is swoon them away. See reading all these novels works in the romance area.

But only for that. I don't get lonely and have to get off on the books I read.

Ever.

Anyway. I'm not gay. I'm NOT a perv. And these books are geneous. You should try them!

The Copy Ninja,

Kakashi Hatake.

P.S. NO I do not use my sharingan in bed. I don't see why I'd ever need it.


	5. Chapter 5: Sai

**A/N: This one was pretty boring. I tried to keep him in character but hes just so bleh and simple...so enjoy! As always no offense this is for fun and enjoy. **

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_Chapter 5: Sai_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

I read in a book that it is good to express yourselves, so I'm writing this letter to you guys to do just that. I've come across alot of...fanfiction and theres alot I want to say.

First off. That time I was trying to bond with Naruto was for friendship, nothing else. I don't think I'm ready to take the next step and look for relationships. I'm still trying to get used to the idea of having friends who are precious to me. Besides, why would I want someone as penisless as Naruto? He may be powerful but it sure doesn't change his size.

As for people thinking I look like Sasuke, well...to be honest hes a douche. I don't understand why anyone would like a character such as him, so I guess I still have research to do. I did read that people like the "badboy" type and I guess emo falls into that category as well.

And about the rumors of Danzo having...uh...relations with me. He never has. In fact I'm pretty sure he didn't even like me much, so why would he want anything more than we already had?

Wait that came out wrong.

What I meant to say...is we have nothing.

I've also come across some fanfiction that pairs me with Sakura. Why would I ever fall for an ugly whore like her? Naruto sure has bad tastes in women. I wouldn't want someone who beats me every five seconds.

Hmm, what else? Oh yea. About that blonde girl...Ino? Well about when I called her beautiful...I lied. You see I learned that women usually like the opposite of what you really think so I just acted accordingly. I mean...as I said I'm just getting used to this friendship thing. Who knows maybe if she peeks my interests alittle more I can research some more.

By the way, I only dress like this because I feel comfortable, it has nothing to do with being queer. I just like showing my belly, is there anything wrong with that? I read that clothes are an expression of yourself and I'm simply doing that.

Hmmm. I guess I should say I'm not gay like everyone else is but, I honestly don't know my preference...

Anyway. I guess that's it. There isn't much else to rant about. I have more research to do on the topic of couples and affection. I guess I'll finish this later.

From,

Sai


	6. Chapter 6: Yamato

**A/N: Here's another one! I feel he is so underappreciated I had to rant about it. Plus I don;t know what hes doing so I think Kishi needs to close some plot holes. As stated a million times, this is just for fun, no insults or offense intended. I don't own anything sadly, if I did who knows what would be happening...**

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_Chapter 6: Yamato_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

Ok, let's get something straight.

I am not now NOR WILL I EVER BE...A KAKASHI FANGIRL!

First of all I'm not even a girl! What the hell man?

Next I'm not a Kakashi fan at all. Why would I like someone who always treated me so badly? He always sweet-talks me into doing things for him, like that time he made me pay for our Ramen at Ichiraku's! All the time in the ANBU together and most of it was spent with Kakashi bullying me and making fun of me. Well you know what? Which of us has the wood-style release and controls the nine-tails? ME! Not him! The only thing special about him is that Sharingan of his.

_Sakura: Don't forget Kakashi has Lightning style techniques, plus he's just plain cool!_

How'd you even get here? AND I'M COOL TOO!

_Naruto: Yeah right! You, cool?_

*Scary face* I'm cool, right? Especially after I helped you find Sasuke?

_Naruto: GAH! SURE WHATEVER! I'M OUTTA HERE!_

Anyway, where were we? Oh yea, Kakashi's a jerk. End of story.

There's no ROMANCE going on there...just me waiting for the right moment to make him realize I'm every bit as strong as he is!

As for you fans who pair me with the rest of the team...I hope Kabuto molests you. I DONT LOVE KAKASHI AND I DONT HAVE ANY SORT OF ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR TEAM 7! END OF STORY!

OH AND ABOUT THAT! NO, No no no no Kabuto DID NOT molest me. Which of you people even thought of that? There's a war about to break lose and you think he's going to molest me while I'm unconscious? I don't have anything to say to you people...

As for those who think Orochimaru molested and raped me...I don't want to talk about it...*shivers*

Any you know what guys? I'm tired of getting the short end of the stick here! It's to the point people make fun of me and piss me off! I mean come on! I use wood style! Can't I show off alittle? Or at least get some recognition? Please?

Kakashi gets ALL the fans? What makes him so cool?

_Kakashi: Face it, I'm funnier, cooler and all around better. Ladies love the mysteriousness of my mask._

I WEAR A MASK TOO! Well...used to. And get out of here!

Anyway, even in the manga I got the short end of the stick! WHAT THE HECK KISHI! FIRST you use me to control the white zetsus, they were defeated, AND NOW YOU FORGOT ME! WHAT THE HECK!? What am I even doing? I know I'm not dead, I can't be! But what am I doing? Laying there unconscious while there's A FREAKING WAR GOING ON! And why hasn't anyone come to save me yet, huh? Am I THAT unimportant?

I swear, has nothing I done been worth it? One day, one day I will fight and beat kakashi and I will be the cool one!

Not only that but in the spin-off series I HAVE NO VOICE! WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!? And why do I pop up everywhere like some stalker doing the randomest things? And seriously...why did you put me in the Kakashi fan pit-WAIT! SO THATS WHERE YOU FANS GOT THAT FROM!

You sick sick people...

And about my real name, you're not allowed to know. Tenzo is a name Kakashi calls me because we had a mission where he called me that, but right now I am Yamato. You will know my name when Kakashi takes off his mask...so, uh...NEVER!

I AM NOT A KAKASHI FANGIRL,

Yamato/Tenzo


	7. Chapter 7: Kurama

**A/N: This is one of my request stories xD This ones short because I couldn't think of anything...he doesn't get paired with anyone xD**

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_Chapter 7: Kurama_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

I guess I should consider myself lucky you don't pair me with the other Tailed Beasts...

_Naruto: Yeah...real lucky..._

Go away brat!

Anyway, there's still some things I'd like to discuss with you.

For example...

I do not control Naruto's body and get laid. AT ALL!

I'm a demon fox, why would I need to do that...ever?

_Naruto: Well you do have your needs..._

Naruto, I let you write peacefully didn't I? Go away!

_Naruto: *Scoff* Fine..._

And let's just set the record straight right now. I hate Madara with a passion. I've learned to respect Naruto but the only reason I'm working with him and that other Uchiha is because Madara needs to be stopped and they can't do it without me.

Other than that, people use me for either destruction or to seal me up!

Locked up in all of the Uzumakis like some kind of animal. Pitiful.

Anyway. No I do not use Naruto for sex, and whatever else you sick people can come up with.

_Naruto: HEY! You're not going to defend your host against their crazy imagination? What about all those fanfictions with me and Sasuke? _

You two walked right into it. Serves you right. You deal with it. As long as they don't kill you or mention me, I don't care.

Regards,

Kurama, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox


	8. Chapter 8: Ino

**A/N: Two for one! If you didnt read Kuramas make sure you go back! It was short so I'm giving you two letters xD I have alot I want to do and some that were requested but DONT WORRY I will get to all characters! I'm doing requests first now so if theres something you want to see or point out go ahead :3 Yes some characters will repeat based on what is requested. As Stated before, do not get offended on anything I say this is just for fun! I am a big GaaraIno fan and I ranted about that too so xD I DONT OWN ANYTHING!**

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_Chapter 8: Ino_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction authors,

Hi everyone! I'm so glad you guys write stories about moi and give me time to shine ;) but theres a few things I need to address. One of them being...

I AM NOT A WHORE! I don't CARE if I dress a certain way! It comes with the territory! Being a ninja is alot of hard work and it makes you sweat. An extra piece of clothing can be life or death! ...Or heat stroke. And dont be jealous I have the body to make it work, unlike some flat chested kunoichi I know...

_Sakura: HEY! At least I dress appropriately! _

Let's not start this again, forehead girl! :P

Where was I...oh yea. And just because I dont dress in bright colors like SOME orange jumpsuit-wearing ninjas that screams "Kill me" Doesnt make me any less of a ninja.

_Naruto: HEY! MY CLOTHES ARE JUST FINE!_

This is my rant will you idiots get out!

And the way I dress has nothing to do with the way Sai dresses! I just so happen to think he's cute. No harm there. Don't be jealous he called me beautiful, Sakura already has that covered.

Ok, next point.

Why do you guys put me as the bad-guy, man-stealer, huh? It was SAKURA who ended out friendship over Sasuke, NOT ME! I am just a victim of circumstance. But we made up for it, now we are friends and rivals...but that doesn't mean she'll beat me any time soon. She may be like Tsunade but I'm my father's daughter!

_Inoichi: YOU GO INO!_

Thanks dad!

Oh and about my crush on Sasuke. I am a hundred and ten percent over him! Time to move on!

And NO ShikaTema fans, I'm not stealing Shikamaru! He is my teammate. Him, along with Chouji, and I are Ino-Shika-Cho! Passed down from our fathers! No way am I stealing another girls man! I don't need another situation like Sakura, and Temari can prove to be a real problem.

Besides, I'm pretty sure love triangles are too troublesome for him.

_Shikamaru: You got that right. I don't understand women...man what a drag..._

Okay we get it. Shoo shoo.

Lets see...Well I dont really get why you guys pair me with all these people. I mean, I understand Sai and Sasuke and even Shikamaru, but anyone else?

I mean, it was ONCE a very long time ago when I flirted with Neji but that was a major failure.

And Gaara? I don't think we've had a conversation. My only relation to him is the fact his sister and Shikamaru are close. Other than that I don't see it happening.

And as for those of you who pair me with Deidara...just because we LOOK alike doesn't mean I'd ever fall for an Akatsuki member who is that...insane!

And Naruto? Please like I'd waste my time with someone like him. Sure he may be strong but he's lacking in alot other areas!

And for you yuri fans...I..I have no words. Me and Sakura...me and HINATA! What is wrong with you people!? I'd never! GAH! I don't understand what goes through your heads...

OH! and just because I'm BLOND doesn't mean I'm stupid. I don't make the obvious mistakes Naruto does. I ACTUALLY use my head.

And get your heads out of the gutter! You know who you are!

And for those of you who think I'm useless, I AM NOT! I've done plenty! Just because I don't move around alot doesnt mean I'm not doing anything! Like I said my mind does all the work! Just because it leaves me vulnerable doesnt mean I cant defend myself. And THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF INO SHIKA CHO!

Shikamaru doesnt move around much either and I dont see you bashing on him. Jeez.

Anyway. Later haters. Chao my fans! This delicate flower has to sign off!

Sincerly,

Ino Yamanaka


	9. Chapter 9: Choji

**A/N: I didn't think Choji had alot to rant about. So here's what I could think of. Sorry it isnt much, I have alot of stories on the way! I'll try and update more but you know...I have work...ANYWAY! ENJOY! IF YOU WANT SUGGEST A LETTER! xD DONT GET OFFENDED THIS WAS JUST FOR FUN! AND I DONT OWN NARUTO!**

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_Chapter 9: Choji_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

Man, just thinking about writing this makes me hungry...

Oh well. But everyone was writing letters to you guys so I thought I'd give it a try.

First things first...

I AM NOT FAT I'M BIG BONED! I've read PLENTY of stories where I'm called fat!

I will find you...and I will END YOU!

Besides...as an Akimichi I have to keep up my appetite, my Butterfly form takes alot out of me.

*Pulls out chips and eats them*

Also...*munch* I don't understand... *munch* why you guys think... *munch* I'm weak.

MMM those were good...

What was I saying?

_Shikamaru: That the fans think you're weak...how troublesome._

OH YEA! THANKS SHIKAMARU!

I assure you I'm plenty strong! To the point I don't even need my food pills anymore! Put me with Ino and Shikamaru and we are UNSTOPPABLE!

Speaking of Ino...I can also see alot of you guys pair me with her. Well, to be honest I'm flattered...buuuuuuuuuuuuuut I prefer we stay friends.

I mean, who wouldn't want this husky hunk, am I right?

_Ino: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT CHOJI!_

Heheh sorry Ino...

I'm really not...

Anyway! It wont be fair to Shikamaru if Ino and I are more concerned with each other than with the team!

And for those of you who pair me with Shikamaru...you sick sick people.

Shikamaru's my BEST friend, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't think of me that way, nor I him.

Besides...I don't want to have to think of how an angry Temari will react...

Well, I guess thats it. I'm hungry so I'm going to the all you can eat Barbeque!

SEE YA!

Love,

Choji Akimichi


	10. Chapter 10: Shikamaru

**A/N: Ok so even though I said this as just for fun some of you think I'm character bashing. Like I said I respect everyones opinion. I'm not a huge fan of Sakura, Sasuke, and Temari, but I'm not letting my dislike of them ruin this fic. I can honestly say there are bad and GOOD qualities to all Naruto characters...well most of them anyway, and that includes the ones I DON'T LIKE. and its that that will keep me from making this fic and all out character bash. Some stories will seem like they target characters, but its different for every character and how popular they are, especially with OTHER characters. Now, to end my rant, I know everyone has their opinions so I'm sorry if it seems like I'm doing something I dont intend, but know its only for fun and entertainment. Heres a shikamaru one. Remember, this is just for fun, please dont take offense, and ENJOY! **

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_Chapter 10: Shikamaru_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

Man, what a drag. Ino and Temari teamed up and are forcing me to write this stupid letter to comment on your fanfictions.

To be honest, I read some of them, and I think you guys are seriously nuts. While I do like that most of you keep me in character and complement my IQ, there are some things I need to address.

Like first. There is NOTHING absolutely NOTHING going on with Temari and myself. I mean, women are too weird for me to understand. Besides, I don't really want to deal with her brothers. It'll be too troublesome.

Speaking of women, heres the list of women I'm NOT interested in that you pair me with: Sakura, Ino, Temari, Tayuya, Hinata, Kin, and Kurenai.

Hold on a minute, I need to say this now. I will NEVER EVER EVER see Kurenai as more than just a sensei. She was Asuma's girlfriend. Why would I even THINK to do that?

Next, who the hell came up with ShikaHina? What kind of crack pairing is that? Sure she's alright I guess but...thats as far as I go with that. It's too troublesome to go any deeper.

And Tayuya? Really? I mean...just because we fought doesn't mean anything. That's about it. We earned eachothers respect through combat, and you guys think we're meant to be. I just...don't get you people.

I already ranted about Temari but let me say it again incase you missed it, NOTHING GOING ON! That includes you Naruto, I know it takes a little extra push to get things through your head.

What a drag...

I don't like Sakura either. I mean, just like Hinata she's never really given me a reason to take a second look. Too troublesome. Besides I really don't like that temper of hers...I have enough with these blondes...

_Temari: Excuse me?_

_Ino: Just because we don't have your IQ doesn't mean we still can't think for ourselves!_

_Temari: Or beat you to a pulp!_

See what I mean? What a drag...

And as for Ino, we are Ino-Shika-Cho. We are the best of friends. We are teammates. And that it. Just because she usually leaves her body to me when she mind-transfers doesn't mean sh*t. Point blank and simple. Chouji's jutsus require him to move, mine don't. It's only common sense she stick with me.

As for Kin? No, didn't find her attractive at all. I actually thought she was pretty stupid for forgetting there was a wall behind her. Simple minds these days, and I thought Naruto was bad...

Now, another issue that's troublesome for me is...*shudders* yaoi.

Let's get this straight, right now. Just because I think women are complicated, doesn't mean I'm gay. Or bi. Or ANYTHING.

Let's go through that list, shall we? Hidan, Naruto, Neji, Kiba, Asuma, Chouji and Sasuke.

I mean, do you guys enjoy pairing me with people? What a drag...

First things first, I've never liked Sasuke. But he was from Konoha, so I'd try my best to bring him home. I mean, I don't have the connection him and Naruto have, but we're the rookie nine, friends til the end, right?

And now I know how Naruto feels about those SasuNaru or NaruSasu fics. Chouji and I are best friends. There's nothing going on between us, besides the fact I completely trust him. FRIENDS. The end.

Except we all know Naruto and Sasuke are gay for each other...but Chouji and I are not.

And Asuma...seriously? He's my sensei! He taught me almost everything I know. Yes I was heartbroken when he died, yes I killed Hidan as revenge, but you would too if someone killed your teacher and closest friend. There's no romance here. His only romance is with Kurenai.

And Kiba...another crack pairing. The only thing we have in common is that we're the rookie nine. I guess that makes us all friends but...I just don't understand how you even came up with that.

As for Neji...I can kinda see your thought process, being that we were both deemed geniuses, but thats about as far as that relationship goes.

And Naruto? UGH! Now you're really pushing it. No just...no okay? Close friends maybe but, no. Nothing romantic there. Sure we trust each other. I mean, he is the main character, and is really strong. But...no.

Last but certainly not least...Hidan. Like Tayuya, I know alot of you like to think enemies fall in love or something, but with him it was all about revenge. I didn't pull a Sasuke and run away or anything, but I couldn't wait to avenge Asuma. He got what he deserved. No romance, at all. Got it?

Hmm, thinking about it...I guess Hidan and Tayuya would make a good couple...they are similar.

_Tayuya: Hey, scumbag! Don't start encouraging those f***ing people! I have my own rant to do!_

_Hidan: HEY! SAME HERE YOU ***hole! You're going to get me angry, and when I get angry-_

Alright I get it.

Anyway, if you are going to complain about my laziness...you must really be stupid. Laziness is my thing. Just because YOU'RE lazy doesn't make you a genius. I'm too smart for this sh*t. *flips table*

What a drag...

Shikamaru Nara.


	11. Chapter 11: Asuma

**A/N: Asuma was pretty hard to do since he doesnt have alot of fanfiction, so I just made him rant about stuff. xD Enjoy! And thank you to everyone who has read so far! It really means alot! **

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_Chapter 11: Asuma,_

I've put this off for some time, saying things like "Not right now" but I know somehow someway, Kurenai would kill me if she found out I was my same old self, so here it is.

First off I'd like to thank all of you who have kept me alive in your fanfictions. It's very heartwarming. Especially the ones with me and Kurenai and our child. It's heartwarming to see you guys come up with scenarios where we live happily ever after. Even though I CLEARLY didn't want any of you to know...anyway. I especially like it when you mention my dad and the good times. But there are things we need to discuss.

First and foremost, yes me and my dad didn't stay eye to eye all the time. I wanted to grow up and be a great ninja and we both had different ways of doing it. However, in the end, I realized what a great dad he was, didn't I? No need to make crazy plots where I'm some sort of bastard or he's abusive. Nope.

I mean, yeah living up to the Third friggin Hokage wasn't easy, Naruto makes it look easy but it's not, so I wanted my own path. But in the end, he was a great dad who only wanted me to see the best.

And another thing. Never will I ever be abusive to Kurenai. What is wrong with you people? Not only is it wrong but...but NO! GOSH!

And just because I smoke doesn't make me a bad Shinobi. I could still fight and kick all of your butts. Trust me on that.

And no absolutely not have I had any sort of relations with any of my students! Or Kakashi! I mean...have you ever seen Kurenai angry? Trust me, it's not pretty. She makes Tsunade look like an innocent kitten.

Oh and uh...not interested in any of them, before you get the wrong idea.

And NO I didn't steal Kurenai from Kakashi. I mean, have you seen his face? Oh wait, you haven't hehehe. *Rubs the back of my neck*

Anyway, if you ever see his face you will see why. He can get any girl (or guy-and yes I'm talking about you Yamato) that he wants. But me saying this DOESN'T mean I find any interest in him. My heart belongs to Kurenai.

If Kakashi prefers not to be in a relationship with anyone but his hand and his books (if you know what I mean), that's his problem.

Let's see what else...

I guess I should just tell you guys how proud I am of Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji. I mean, yes, I have insulted them in the past, but its the truth. When has Ino EVER not been loud? When has Chouji EVER been NOT thinking of food? And when has Shikamaru ever been NOT lazy? I mean, come on! But yes, they have grown up and I am proud of them all.

And don't tell ANYONE I said this (because I will die) but yes, Shikamaru was my favorite. And NO no romance or anything, but he reminded me of me. He was laid back, didn't get into things that he found 'troublesome' and was capable of great things. So I tried to teach him all i could. The village's kids are the most important. Without them, there is no future. As Kakashi said, the next generation will always surpass the last...

Except in this case, where Madara can still destroy everything but I'm sure they will think of something...hopefully. I'm rooting for you in the afterlife guys! YEAH!

Lets see...that's it I guess. Anyone want to play shogi? *Light's up a cigarette*

With love,

Asuma Sarutobi


	12. Chapter 12: Hinata

**A/N: Buahahah I've been dying to do this one! I love hinata and RTN hinata so I just had to destroy that line between them! Hehehe and I did some OC mentioning in this one finally. ENJOY! Remember dont get butt hurt its just for fun xD**

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_Chapter 12: Hinata_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction authors,

I um...I read some of your fanfiction. Umm...for the most part I think it's sweet. Pairing me and Naruto together. I mean, I have loved him for a long long time, quietly watching him and hoping he notices me...

Alright enough with the shy girl act. Which one of you jerks called me a stalker, huh? Don't even TRY to run! My Byakugan will see you, and I will personally beat you up!

I don't need to be hiding behind Neji and Naruto to assert myself! You all know when you push my buttons I will go from regular sweet Hinata to Road to Ninja!

And as for that, HOW DARE YOU SAY SHES BETTER THAN ME!

First of all, Naruto liked me better as my shy sweet sensitive self! But you know what, I give my RTN self kuddos because not only did she prove I have more looks (and boobs) than Sakura, but she managed to show I am NOT WEAK!

And as for my body, how dare you think anyone would like me ONLY for my body! I will not stand for anyone trying to sleep with me just because I have BOOBS!

And all of you people pairing me with Sasuke? And Kiba? And Shino! And NEJI! My cousin!

What is WRONG with you? I understand Kiba and Shino since I spend alot of time with them, but does INCEST mean NOTHING to you creeps? Sure Neji's nicer but that doesn't mean we go rolling around in the sheets with each other!

And really? When have I EVER shown an ounce of interest in Sasuke? I mean, sure the RTN me was more...uh...assertive. And the RTN Sasuke flirted with everything that walked, but really? How realistic is me and Sasuke? Have I NOT confessed my undying love to Naruto?

And those of you wanting to see me and Sakura fight. I'm sorry but we all know I have Naruto wrapped around my finger. Besides I doubt it would be much of a fight.

Don't get me wrong, if Sakura does try something, I might have to show her why I am a force to be reckoned with. I may not be as violent as Naruto's mom, but I can certainly kick as much butt as she can.

And really? Do you people think I will EVER love your OC's? Once again, Naruto is the only one I will ever love, so DEAL WITH IT!

Another thing, those of you pairing Naruto with OC's, I suggest you stop. Trust me, it's in your best interest. You touch my man I will f*cking END YOU!

*takes a deep breath*

And who was the one who thought my shy act was just to hide the fact I'm crazy? I am not! I am a soft spoken, innocent girl! But don't get me wrong I am NOT ignorant I know how to kick *ss! And NO I do not think about Naruto shirtless or naked or moaning my name or anything!

_Neji: HELL YEA! YOU TELL THEM HINATA! I WILL BEAT ANYONE UP WHO OFFENDS YOU HINATA-SAMA!_

_Kiba: Dude, you're making it worse..._

_Shino: Hinata..._

_Neji: Don't talk to me that way! Fans just have perverted minds! You should see my fanfictions...*shiver*_

_Shino: Hina-_

Guys! Come on! I want to finish my rant!

_Shino: Hinat-_

_Kiba: Fine fine..._

_Shino: ..._

Thank you. Now, oh yea. Some of you really need to get a dictionary slapped into their faces. I mean, a monkey high off his tail with a broken laptop could write better stories than you can. Some of your plots make no sense and your grammar sucks. Naruto learning a new language for the first time could do better. And let's face it as adorable as Naruto is he's not the brightest. Damn...

And I am not some cheesey whore replacement for Sakura, and Naruto most certainly does NOT use me for sex!

And you know what, just because I am shy doesn't mean I can't lead the Hyugas! I hate how Hanabi and her bratty self gets to take over because I am soft spoken and don't go around beating people to a pulp for no reason!

And you know-

_Kiba: Hinaaataaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...why do you have nuclear weapons in your backpack?_

_Neji: WHAT THE HELL?_

_Shino: That's what I've been trying to say! Why, becau-_

ANYWAY! Thank you to all the fans rooting for me!

Those of you who are whoring me out better run and hide!

UNTIL NEXT TIME!

With love (and threats),

Hinata Hyuga

P.S What? Did you really think anyone could be that shy ALL THE TIME? Think again.


	13. Chapter 13: Kiba

**A/N: Wow I never thought you guys would love this so much! Thank you everyone! I had so much fun writing hinatas so heres the next one, KIBA! Heheheh this one was pretty fun to right too. Remember dont be offended this is just for FUN! **

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_Chapter 13: Kiba_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

YO! What's up? Kiba and Akamaru here! I appreciate how theres fans out there who support me and Akamaru! We thank you guys! Right Akamaru!

_Akamaru: *Barks*_

YEAH! But as for the rest of you...

_Akamaru: *growls*_

HOW DARE YOU PAIR ME WITH AKAMARU! OK ok ok ok, You guys have some pretty active imaginations I'll give you that, but really? Akamaru is my best friend! He's not just some old dog to me but I don't love him that way!

_Akamaru: *Barks*_

To think some of you call yourselves my fans and then have me have sex with a dog! AND NO him turning into a clone of me doesn't mean squat! I mean really? At the end of the day he's still Akamaru! I mean really, I'm sure you can expect that from Naruto, the dude doesn't have Sasuke to suppress his queer urges-

_Naruto: FOR THE LAST TIME I DONT LOVE SASUKE!_

GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE! I DONT GET ENOUGH SCREEN TIME LET ME AT LEAST HAVE THIS!

*sighs*

Anyway, yeah, I love Akamaru, but not in that way. I don't have sex with animals.

And seriously? Just because the Inuzuka Clan uses Ninja Hounds doesn't mean we have sex doggie style! WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THAT?

Its not a bad idea though...

_Akamaru: *whimpers*_

Oh right, almost forgot. As for your pairings, you guys are nuts!

Me and Hinata are teammates! TEAMMATES! We do not have any sort of feelings for each other other than companionship! I mean, SHE LIKES NARUTO! ARE YOU THAT SLOW!?

_Shino: Don't forge-_

And another thing, I don't like Sakura at all! Besides missions we don't really spend time together. Plus I don't want that hot-tempered she-devil to hurt Akamaru! I'd rather die!

And as for Ino, SAME THING! We don't really talk to each other! What kind of pairing is that? Honestly I see her more with one of her teammates...

_Shino: Which is why you shoul-_

And Naruto? Really?!

_Akamaru: *Barks angrily*_

There are millions of reasons why I DONT LOVE NARUTO! One, HES A GUY! Two, he's annoying. Three, I hate his guts. Four, the dude has some serious farting issues, and for a nose as sensitive as mine ans Akamaru's we don't need that!

_Akamaru: *whimpers*_

Just because Naruto beat me in the Chunin Exams doesn't mean he's stronger than me! I can beat him ANYDAY!

_Shino: I really think you shoul-_

And why for the love of God would you pair me with Neji? Another crack pairing! I mean...I see where you're going, you know Hinata's cousin and stuff, BUT IM NOT GAY! Plus we don't really talk, they only thing we have in common is Hinata, who he is very (and suspiciously) protective of...

_Neji: What was that...?_

N-nothing! Nothing! I get it I have a sister too ya know? I'd be like that too if people gave her looks...STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!

And as for all the other people you pair me with, do you seriously think I'm desperate? Shikamaru? Gaara? Kurenai-sensei? KANKURO! You sick sick people. Just, stop please. I can't take it anymore!

And some of your OC's are ok. I think it's weird you guys are basically putting yourselves as some save-the-day type of OP ninja that's most likely nothing like you, but there are some that are ok.

Then there are the ones that make me want to rip out my hair and smash my head against a wall! Really? Some of you have OC's that wouldn't know the FIRST thing about a dog! AND NO YOU DONT HAVE TO TREAT ME LIKE ONE EITHER! I will not roll over or somehow become good in bed for a doggie treat! THATS DEMEANING!

AND NO I WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A CAT PERSON! EVER!

Seriously that RTN movie messed with your heads too much.

_Shino: Kiba I really thin-_

Let's see what else...

_Akamaru: *barks*_

Oh, right, thanks Akamaru.

And these marks at the side of my face are fangs, they represent my clan! I dont know what you people thought it was but it's nothing like Kankuros paint! They are to show we are a wolf clan! We use our bonds with Ninja hounds to be strong!

_Akamaru: *Barks*_

_Shino: Kiba, I really think you should address fanfictions about us!_

Huh? Oh sure Shino! Why didn't you just say so? I was getting to that anyway...those fanfics-

_Naruto: OI KIBA! I heard you still think you can beat me? WANNA BET!?_

HELL YEA BRING IT ON!

_Shino: ..._

_Naruto: TAKE THIS! *Farts*_

OH GOD WHY! *cough cough*

_Akamaru: *Whimpers*_

_Naruto: DIRECT HIT!_

YOU BAKA! SAVE YOURSELF AKAMARU! *faints*

Kiba Inuzuka and Akamaru

P.S: If you tell no one I will play dead for a beggin' strip. Akamaru and I really love those...


	14. Chapter 14: Shino

**A/N: HI GUYS! Thank you for all your ideas and reviews I love that you guys are enjoying this! I know Im moving a little slow so I should tell you the layout for the order Im doing the characters. After the rookie nine will be team guy, the sand trio, the akatsuki, Some guys from the sound and orochimaru's hideout, the jinchuuriki because some are pretty cool, maybe the Bijuu, team kakashi and the pre konoha guys (you know madara and hashi and tobirama), and in the interim when I have writers block redo some chapters. So yeah if theres anyone you are dying to see please tell me! Remember, this is just for fun and I will try to hit all main points/pairings/memes! I feel so bad because I didnt know what to right so some of this is my fault T.T So without further ado, SHINO!**

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_Chapter 14: Shino Aburame_

Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,

Hello, my name is Shino Aburame. My hobbies are entomology, and collecting new specimens for my insect collection. My favourite foods are wild grass salad and winter melon. however, my least favourite are foods that are strong-smelling. Why I'm telling you this, you ask? Because I'm guessing none of you really know anything about me.

_Kiba: Dammit, Shino, not this again._

_Naruto: Yeah, how are we supposed to know much about you if you don't even talk?_

That's a good question. However, friends will be curious about ones likes and dislikes, as they are sure to remember your face.

_Naruto: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO RECOGNIZE YOU WHEN YOUR ENTIRE FACE IS COVERED?!_

That's not the point. Why? Because-

_Kiba: Give it a rest, will you? Kurenai-sensei still has to do her rant._

Very well. It has come to my attention that there are many fanfictions that have myself paired up with my teammates and Naruto. The pairings aren't the only things that bug me-

_Kiba: HAHA BUG! I see what you did there Shino!_

I wasn't trying to be fancy with wordplay. Why? Because that is one of the things that annoys me. In many of your fanfictions you guys try to be funny and include bug wordplay. Please stop. Why? Because you are simply embarrassing yourselves. I do not try to be "funny" with my abilities.

_Kiba: You should it would make you more interesting!_

Kiba-

_Hinata: Kiba-kun, you should stop, you're getting Shino upset..._

She is correct-

_Kiba: Oh please, if he would have wanted me to stop he would have said so, right Shino?_

Actually-

_Hinata: He's been trying to for the last few minutes!_

Can I please-

_Kiba: Ooops, my bad. Oi Shino, the floors all yours!_

...

Anyway. Also, many of you think I'm creepy. Why? Because I am solitary, like insects and use them to fight. However I don't think its creepy at all.

_Kiba: That explains why you'll never have a girlfriend..._

_Hinata: KIBA please!_

_Kiba: Sorry, sorry, continue._

Because they are small, they make great information gatherers, and reproduce quickly-

_Naruto: We don't need a science lesson here!_

_Kiba: He's probably telling us this so he gets invited to more missions with us!_

I wasn't giving a science lesson. But let us move on, why? Because there are more topics to cover. Including the pairings. I appreciate those of you who ACTUALLY KNOW I EXIST!

_Naruto: Damn he's still peeved..._

_Kiba: Yep he holds on to things..._

However, Hinata and I are simply friends and teammates. Nothing more. Though I do care about her, it is not in any other affectionate way. I also don't understand why you pair me with Tenten. Why? Because we are not that close.

And another thing-

_Kiba: Hey hey dont forget about the Yaoi fanfics!_

I was getting to that. The same rules apply to Kiba, Naruto and Torune. Let me tell you why-

_Naruto: ITS WRONG! KEEP ME WITH SAKURA CHAN AND HINATA CHAN PLEASE!_

_Kiba: Hell yea! IM NOT GAY!_

...there you go. I do not find interests in men as well. And another thing why is it that all of your OCs like bugs? I do not want you to feel like you HAVE to like bugs to get my attention. Although it would make a good conversation starter.

Also, many of you think it would be awkward to talk to me. But I do not feel that would be the case. Why? Because-

_Kiba: Dude, I'm your TEAMMATE and I can't get you, what makes you think the fans can?_

I'm pretty sure they pay more attention to me than you do, Kiba.

_Kiba: WHAT? THAT IS NOT TRUE! If anything they find you creepy-_

_Hinata: KIBA YOURE NOT HELPING!_

...

I am not creepy.

*Sulks*

_Kiba: Oops..._

_Naruto: ...well...guess we're cutting this short! BYE GUYS!_

WIth love (and bugs),

Shino Aburame


End file.
